The Housewives of Maimi

      Just when I had begun to lose interest in the series, Andy Cohen brought us the seventh and final addition to the franchise “The Real Housewives of Miami”, chronicles the lives of six socialites as they battle for the highest ranks in the pecking order.   Countless dramas unfold and intertwine until you are sucked into the microcosm that is these women.  Fashion commands nearly as much screen time as their dramas.  Some of the war zones of choice include charity events, fashion shows, art exhibits, and omnipresent dinner parties.  

        

As can be expected in the sub-tropic climate of Miami, the fashion is full of bold colors, floral prints, and mini-skirts. Basically anything tight and flashy works.  The beach culture requires body conscious and body flaunting styles.  High heals and big jewels are mainstays of any look.   Skin tight with ruffles in a bright color appears to be a favorite.  If gaudy was a color it would be the signature color for all the women. 

There is plenty of evidence of plastic surgery.  All six ladies have ample bust.  You can almost see the needle marks left from the beginning of a lifetime of injectables. 

Elsa, Marysol Patton’s mother, is only reason to watch.  The unlikely star is the only feature that prevents all of the women from blurring into a tacky archetype.  It is a shameful and guilty pleasure to watch the exploitation of Elsa.  She speaks with a thick accent that is exacerbated by what is likely a combination of prescription pills and booze.  It is necessary to has closed captioning since she is so hard to understand.  The once rather beautiful Elsa has had a little work done to say the least.  My best guess is that she started having surgeries long before its current popularity and long before it was perfected.  She also just kept getting more.  Her eyebrows nearly touch her forehead.  In addition to being a train wreck that you can’t stop looking at she is also a self professed witch and cranks out some pretty good one liners such as “I’m not a Victorian lady” and “drinking makes me feel sooo good”.